Have you ever found yourself in a brightly lit fitting room, staring at your reflection in a piece of clothing that’s supposed to be the “it” item of the season, and thinking, “Who is this person?” I know I have. Just last year, I was coaxed into trying on a very trendy, very… loud blazer. The young sales associate assured me it was fabulous. And it was, on the hanger. But on me? It felt like a costume. I felt like I was trying to be someone I wasn't, someone 20 years younger and a whole lot less comfortable in her own skin.
I walked out of that store empty-handed but with a full heart, because it was a powerful reminder of a truth I’ve come to cherish: True style has absolutely nothing to do with chasing trends or clinging to youth. It’s about cultivating a deep, joyful, and honest conversation with the woman you are right now.
For so many of us, our lives have been defined by roles—mother, partner, professional, caregiver. Our closets often reflect that, filled with ghosts of careers past and uniforms for lives we no longer lead. But now? Now we have this beautiful, wide-open space, a time perfect for rediscovering your spark and asking ourselves a thrilling question: Who do I want to be today?
That, my friend, is where your signature style is born. It’s not about an age; it’s about an attitude. It’s the art of crafting a look that is so authentically you that it radiates confidence from the inside out. It's what we call ageless style. So, let’s pour a cup of tea and talk about how to find yours.
Letting Go of 'Shoulds' and 'Used-tos'
Before we can welcome in the new, we have to make peace with the old. I want you to walk over to your closet. Go on, I’ll wait. Open the doors and take a good, long look. What do you see?
I’m willing to bet it’s not just a collection of fabrics. It’s a library of your life. That power suit from your corner-office days. The jeans you swear you’ll fit into again… someday. The fussy dresses you bought for weddings you attended years ago. We hold onto these things out of nostalgia, or guilt over what we spent, or a vague sense of "I should."
But here’s a gentle truth: those ‘shoulds’ and ‘used-tos’ are heavy. They’re taking up precious real estate—both in your closet and in your mind. Cultivating your personal style begins with a loving act of letting go.
This isn't about a ruthless purge. It's about a thoughtful curation. Pick up each item and ask yourself two simple questions:
- Does this make me feel wonderful, right now, in the body I have today?
- Does this reflect the life I’m living and the woman I am becoming?
If the answer is no, it's time to thank the item for its service and let it go. Donate it, sell it, pass it on to a friend. Think of it not as losing something, but as making space for joy. You’re clearing the clutter to make room for you.
Answering the Big Style Question: Who Are You, Really?
Once you’ve cleared some space, the fun part begins. This is a journey of discovery, not a test. There are no right or wrong answers. The goal is to unearth your unique Style DNA.
Start by grabbing a notebook and pondering a few things:
- Find Your Three Words: How do you want to feel when you get dressed? Not just look, but feel. Powerful? Creative? Elegant? Serene? Playful? Comfortable? Choose three words that resonate with you. Mine are “Creative, Polished, and Approachable.” These words become your compass. When you’re considering a purchase, you can ask, “Is this creative, polished, and approachable?” If not, it’s probably not for me.
- Identify Your Icons: Who do you admire for their style? It doesn’t have to be a celebrity. It could be your effortlessly chic friend, a character in a film, or an artist you follow online. I’ve always been drawn to the bold creativity of Iris Apfel and the timeless grace of Helen Mirren. You're not looking to copy them, but to understand what it is about their style that speaks to you. Is it their use of color? Their mastery of silhouette? Their fearless accessorizing? Create a small Pinterest board or a folder of images that inspire you. You'll start to see patterns emerge.
- Honor Your Lifestyle: Your wardrobe has to work for your life. The life you have today. Are you gardening, traveling, taking painting classes, volunteering, or meeting friends for long lunches? Be realistic. A closet full of cocktail dresses is lovely, but if your days are spent on walking trails and in art studios, your wardrobe needs to reflect that reality—beautifully and practically.
The Building Blocks: Investing in Your Wardrobe Essentials
Forget those rigid lists you see in magazines that insist every woman needs a specific white shirt or trench coat. Your wardrobe essentials are the high-quality, perfectly-fitting pieces that align with your Style DNA and lifestyle. The key here is shifting from a mindset of quantity to one of quality.
Embrace the Power of Fit: I can’t say this enough: a good tailor is your best friend. A simple pair of trousers or a blazer can look like a couture piece when it’s tailored to fit your body perfectly. It’s the single most effective way to elevate your look and boost your confidence. Stop trying to fit your body into the clothes; make the clothes fit your beautiful body.
Invest in Touch and Texture: As we get older, we appreciate the finer things, and that includes the feel of fabric against our skin. Prioritize natural fibers like cotton, linen, silk, cashmere, and merino wool. One incredible cashmere sweater that makes you feel like you’re getting a warm hug will bring you more joy than five cheap acrylic ones. These pieces are the foundation of mature fashion that feels luxurious and intentional.
Master the 'Third Piece' Rule: This is my favorite secret weapon for looking "put together" with minimal effort. Your first two pieces are your top and bottom (a blouse and jeans, for example). The third piece is what ties it all together and injects personality. It could be a beautifully structured blazer, a flowing kimono, a classic denim jacket, a vibrant scarf, or a statement vest. It’s that finishing touch that says, “I didn’t just put on clothes; I created an outfit.”
Tell Your Story with Accessories
If your clothes are the canvas, your accessories are the brushstrokes that create the masterpiece. This is where your personality truly gets to shine. It’s the least trend-dependent and most personal part of your style.
I have a silver cuff bracelet my husband bought me on a trip to Santa Fe twenty years ago. It’s dented and worn, and I love it more than any piece of fine jewelry I own because it holds a story. Your accessories should do the same.
- Jewelry: Wear the pieces that mean something to you. Layer your grandmother’s pearls with a modern pendant. Don’t save your “good” jewelry for special occasions; let it bring you joy every day.
- Scarves: A beautiful scarf is the most versatile item you can own. It can add a pop of color to a neutral outfit, keep you warm, and even be tied to the handle of a handbag for a touch of flair.
- Shoes & Bags: This is where you can balance practicality and playfulness. A great pair of comfortable, stylish boots or loafers is a non-negotiable. But maybe you also have a pair of magnificent red flats that just make you happy. A well-made leather tote can be your everyday workhorse, but a small, beaded clutch can make a simple dinner out feel like a special event.
Your signature style is a living, breathing thing. It will evolve as you do, and that’s the beauty of it. It's a daily practice of checking in with yourself and choosing to present the most authentic, vibrant version of you to the world.
Forget about what’s “age-appropriate.” The only thing that matters is what’s you-appropriate. The most stylish women I know are the ones who dress for themselves. Their confidence is their greatest accessory, a true reflection of the ageless mind that shines from within.
So, go on, open that closet. It’s not just a wardrobe; it’s a story waiting to be told, a key part of weaving your legacy for those who come after. And you, my dear friend, are its brilliant and beautiful author.
